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| Amaterasu (Wikipedia) |
Amaterasu waited patiently for her parents to return. As she
was settling down to sleep, she heard a knock at her door. It was her father. He
looked at her with a face of regret and sadness. He stumbled into her room. Grabbing her by the hand, he led her to the edge of the bed.
He whispered to her, "She's gone. She
was taken from me. From us."
His voice shook and he began to weep. She begged her father for details, but he was numb from emotion and could
not speak. Amaterasu put the pieces together and went straight to the source.
She arrived at Moon God's dungeon, the
entrance to the underworld. The grass and all signs of life had wilted away, lifeless on the cold ground. She called out his name. She heard an echo
of soft laughing inside the dungeon. She walked closer into the darkness and
eventually was engulfed in black. She heard the moaning of her mother and ran
towards the sound. The Moon God suddenly appeared by Amaterasu's side, but she
was not startled by his presence. After all, Moon God was her brother. They
were both created out of love by Izanami and Izanagi.
"Why do you do this, brother?" she asked softly.
"I do this for the power, sister! I
do this so others will bow down to me. I do this because I can," he
demanded.
Amaterasu was not shocked by his response.
Instead, she looked around the dungeon, searching for some kind of way to pry her
mother out of the underworld. Then she remembered what her sister Tsukushi said
to her when she was young about family.
"No matter what, your family will
help you always. No matter what, they will be at your side." Amaterasu
heard the voice trailing off in the distance.
A great light shone across the dungeon
from the entrance, illuminating all things. Out of the light appeared her
family -- both Immortal and Earth Gods and Goddesses. Together they stood in a
circle, chanting, increasing their power to bring Izanami out of the underworld
and restore her to her original form. Mood God was left defenseless. No matter
how hard he tried, he was still family, and family would alway be by each other's
side. The Moon God's powers that put Izanami into the underworld were the same
ones that brought her out of the underworld.
Once Izanami was rescued, the Immortal and
Earth Gods rejoiced and shared a great feast together. Moon God felt defeated
and as a punishment, Izanami sentenced Moon God to watch over the underworld
for eternity, never to step foot on the lush beauty on the Earth.
AUTHOR'S
NOTE: This story is a really cool creation story read in the Japanese Mythology Unit. The story is about
the beginning of the world, and each of the gods and goddess created are parts
of the world and islands. Yamato, who is the Flowery
Isle of the Dragon-fly, is an example. The story ends with the entrapment of Izanami. I
changed the ending so that Izanagi didn't have eternal sadness because he
wasn't able to save Izanami from the underworld. I read a little more about this story
online, and I found out that there is a similar story in Greek Mythology.
This was
a fun story to write. I think working with the creation aspect was more
interesting and helped my write the story more quickly. The character of Amaterasu
was so easy to write. She is such a strong woman and because she was the
favorite of Izanami and Izanagi, I wanted for her to live up to the
expectations. I think connecting the Immortal and Earth Gods and Goddesses was
a good way to create a metaphor; no matter what our background we should all
get along. Also branching off of the beautiful imagery in
the original story, Izanami and Izanagi, I think I was able to bring the story to life.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great story. I have not read any Japanese mythology before, but after reading this, I think I might look into it for some of my extra readings. The scene where the father walks in was well written, I could visualize his pain. I also liked the way the family came out and come together to help the mother out of the underworld. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story. Your writing flowed nicely and made the story easy to read. The names of characters combined with your use of description made the story pretty. It is great that you enjoyed working with a creation story. I can tell that you had fun writing this because you did so well making the story your own. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHi Colleen,
ReplyDeleteGreat story! I enjoyed your writing style. Very clear and to the point. I feel like some writers dig themselves in a hole because they add too much fluff. You did a good job finding that line between descriptive and overdoing the details. I hadn't read any Japanese writing before, but now maybe I will. I thought the story was organized well and I could hear your voice come through your writing. I look forward to reading more from you!
Hello Colleen. I really enjoyed reading your story this week. I can see why you chose this story to be a part of your portfolio. The story was easy to read and picture what was going on. The spacing of the story made the story flow. The author’s note was very helpful and informative. It did a good job of explaining the original story and providing detail on what you changed in your story. I also was impressed with the fact that you did more research on the original story to find more background information. The story was written very well and I was never bored. However, I still do not know how to pronounce, “Amaterasu”. I wonder if her name has a meaning. Also, the picture that you selected is perfect. It is colorful and adds something more to the story. Good job and I hope to read more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteHey Colleen! I thought this story was really unique. I haven’t read the Japanese mythology as much, so I was really interested to see how your story differed from the original one. Overall, I thought your story was very descriptive and interesting to read. There were a few parts that were not entirely clear the first time I read them, but going back through a second time, I understood the storyline better. I did notice that you wrote “Mood God” in the third sentence, which I think you meant to be “Moon God.” Also in the second to last paragraph of the story, you wrote “where” in the last sentence, but I think you meant “were.” Also, as far as formatting goes, I like how simple your layout is, but I do wish that the text was a little bit larger. I think that it would make the larger paragraphs easier to read. But overall, I thought it was really good!
ReplyDeleteYou do a good job painting the narrative as a whole! I really like how you keep the diction short and simple, but utilize complex/unique syntax to add deeper implications to your writing. That is a talent that not a lot of writers can do, so definitely foster and develop that.
ReplyDeleteBut I would like to point out that there are a few things that you might want to give a second look at. Mainly, your word choice is great for the most part. Like I said, you make up your lack of complex diction with unique sentence structure (which makes it sound like a storybook!). However, there are some phrases like "went straight to the source" and "look for some kind of way" that really sound like you didn't try and make the wording concise. Try and alter these phrases, and others like them, to make the word choice more consistent with the sense of the world that you're creating in the story.
Hey Colleen! So first off, I want to state that I really enjoyed your story and was glad that I chose to read some of your portfolio. However, in reading your story, I noticed quite a few spelling and grammar mistakes that kind of distracted me from the wonderful imagery and the scenes you were crafting.
ReplyDeleteIn the paragraph right after your image, rather than a comma you should use a semicolon or a comma and a conjunction in the first sentence. In the same paragraph, you need an article before "knock" and a comma before "grabbing" when the father enters the scene. Also, you tended to switch between "Moon God" and "Mood God" a lot in this story, though I'm assuming they're the same character?. . . If so, you just need to pick one (I'm guessing it's supposed to be Moon God) and make sure you use that moniker consistently.
There are quite a few other spelling and grammar mistakes, simple things that you should be able to pick up on just by rereading your story slowly. But, again, I truly enjoyed your story! The characterization of Amaterasu was fantastic, and this story reminded me somewhat of the tale of Hades and Persephone, but with a more family-oriented message and solution to the problem. You used dialogue to great advantage, and I loved your descriptions. Great work!
I read the Japanese Mythology unit too, so when I saw Amaterasu in the title, I thought this would be a good story to read for some extra commenting. I was not at all disappointed. I have a really strong connection with my family, so I really liked how your story centered so heavily on family sticking together. Even the Moon God could not ignore his family.
ReplyDeleteGoing along with the family part of the story, I really liked the dynamics of everything between the characters. I like that Amaterasu was not afraid of the Moon God because he was her brother, and I liked that, even though you only had the father in a small part of the story, I really felt the sadness when he came and told Amaterasu the bad news. I even liked how power crazed the Moon God acted. What a great story. Well done!